Week after next, I begin a new teaching experience. Every new experience brings different things, some good (drawings, hugs, and high-fives given to me by the kids) and some bad (germs and temper tantrums), but EVERY experience brings something funny. Here are a few of my most favorite quotes from kids over the last few years.
M: “What’s a vasectomy?”
Me (I had been M’s babysitter since the dawn of time, so I was only mildly shocked by this question from a 7 year old.) “Weeellllll…It’s where a man has an operation so that he can’t have babies anymore.”
M: ” A MAN CAN HAVE BABIES?”
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Little Girl: “Miss Rachel, is tomorrow going to be Christmas?”
Me: “No. Christmas is in the wintertime, in December. It’s summer right now.”
Little Girl: “Oh. Well is it going to be ‘Valemtime’s’ Day then?”
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Little Boy: “Miss Rachel, I’m going to marry you when I grow up!”
Little Girl: “Yeah, me too!”
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Me: “J, that’s not a very nice thing to do!”
J: “My middle name is ‘not-very-nice’.”
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(In the middle of July, during naptime) G: “Miss Rachel, it’s not winter anymore.”
Me: “No, it’s not winter. It’s summer now.”
G: “In the winter my mom gets all my clothes out of plastic boxes.”
(I think she meant her mom unpacked her clothes out of those rubbermaid storage boxes.)
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Me: “L, what are you doing?”
L: “I’m slithering down the stairs.”
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L: “Rachel, your house is far, far, far, far away.”
Me: “No it’s not. It’s right there, can you see it?”
L: “Shh, Rachel! We are just pretending!”
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Me: “I like your shoes. Did you pick those out at the shoe store?”
L: “No. I stayed at home and Mommy bought them for a surprise.”
L’s Grandmother: “L, you did too go to the shoe store and pick those out!”
L, looking at me quizzically: “Did I tell you a lie?”
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Girl : “Look, A drew hearts around Miss Rachel’s name!”
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Kids: “What are we going to do now?”
Me: “We are going to sit here and wait for our mommies and daddies to come pick us up.”
Kid 1: “Oh. Is your mommy going to come pick you up?”
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Boy 1 to Boy 2: “I saw that on ‘chickapedia’!
Me (horrified): “B! Is that an appropriate conversation for school?”
B: “Well I guess not, since you had to ask.”
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G: “Miss Rachel, I love sitting on your lap, it’s squishy!”
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(While teaching swimming lessons)
Little Boy (shocked and horrified): “Miss Rachel! Aren’t you going to wear floaties?”
Me: “No, I know how to swim so I don’t need floaties.”
Little Boy (appalled): “But you might ‘drownd’!”
And the highlight of my kid career has to be when one of my fourth-grade reading students came up to me and presented me with this poem:
“Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
You’re looking pretty today,
How are you?”
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
This was cute.
Sounds like you know quite a few smart kids! I love the “since you had to ask” one, haha.
Thanks! I know, when that happened, I was torn between being mildly horrified and peeing my pants from laughing!